Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
