i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
