I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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