Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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