it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
