my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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