rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
