Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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