It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
