Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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