she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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