Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no, he came in my armpit
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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