I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
