I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
