Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
