what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
