I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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