you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
