I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
