we have officially mastered the walk of shame
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
