Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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