Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
