ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
