Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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