when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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