dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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