the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
