I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
