he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
