I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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