Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
