i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
