it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
