that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
