Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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