corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
