Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
