My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
