Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
