My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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