Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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