You're my little dorito
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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