Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
