Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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