Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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