Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hippo gnu deer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
