I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
