I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
