apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
