my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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